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I'd seencommercials on TV for drugs like Viagra and most of the men in thecommercials seem to be around Tim's age. If wondered if he'd have to takea pill before we had sex.Sex? Why was I even thinking about sex, especially with Tim? I wanted toflush the thought from my mind but I couldn't. I saw him climbing on topof me in the missionary position. I saw myself reaching for his penis andguiding it into my brand new vagina. I wasn't a virgin but in this case Iwould be. Is it going to hurt, I wondered? Or will it feel good, likethe way I felt when I was the one putting my penis into a girl's vagina.I began to hate myself for thinking of such things and I wanted to stopbut I couldn't. Why in the hell was my penis so damn hard? Did this meanI was really gay? Maybe I'd been gay my whole life and just didn't knowit."You've been really quiet," my mother said. "Is something bothering you?"My mother's voice shook the thoughts of Tim from my head. "What did yousay?" I was just. Seeing her lying there, naked and dirty, on the cave floor reminded Logan of his first night in Hell. It made his back hurt to remember, and he resolved to do whatever he could for her. What that might be was, as of yet, unknown. They were all in uncharted territory now.He yawned and rubbed at the dull ache behind his eyes. The idea that his mother’s God, the Christian God, could allow such a horribly unjust place as Hell to exist had kept him awake most of the night. It burned still in his gut. He looked up at the ceiling of the cavern.“God, if you do exist, then you are one sick son-of-bitch.”Karen squeaked, jumped where she lay, and slowly rolled over to face him.“Sorry,” he grimaced. “Did I wake you?”“No.” Karen shook her head, then sat up and tucked a loose strand of black hair behind her ear. “I was awake. Just trying to ... remember.” Her eyes were wide and troubled as she gazed at him in the ruddy light. “You say that word so easily.”“What? God?” He watched her flinch, then.
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